When Good Just Isn’t Good Enough

I’ve been debating on blogging on here for a while. I haven’t really known what to say or how to say it. I’m tired, at times I am a mess. I love my babe, and I love my parents. No one’s perfect, I am FAR from perfect, he is FAR from perfect, my parents are FAR from perfect. Why isn’t anyone willing to even TRY to accept the fact that he is a part of my life, and he’s just as important as they are. I hesitate to say more so because they are my family, but while they are my family, he is my other half. He is WITH me.

I wonder if some of my friends from high school that have married black men have had to deal with the same issues with their parents. I wonder if it’s because where we are from and that we were such a “white” community. I can probably answer this question. A couple may have had more issues than the other few, but why? We all breathe the same air, we bleed the same color, so why because one’s skin is a little darker does that make ALL the difference?

I wonder if it’s because dating outside of my race is a new thing that it’s that much more of a big deal. I wonder if maybe had I started out dating other races that THIS might not be such a big deal. Often times I talk to my parents and in the conversation I tell them that boo says hi. They say hey and continue on with the conversation. To him this is a HUGE deal. To me, it is as well, but I know this is the reaction so I brush it under the rug.

A couple of weeks ago I was pricing some hotels on the internet for our trip back in September. I called my mom who is the internet guru on good travel deals. She asked what we were looking to do. For her to say WE was a big step. Then as soon as I told her what we were trying to do, she made  a comment about well we’d hoped you’d come by yourself. What she doesn’t know is this trip is a BIG deal. My aunt is getting married, my brother is having his first baby, and there’s a good chance that WE could be make some pretty big decisions while we are there as well. Decisions that would benefit everyone.

A few days after having this conversation with her she saw one of my friends. The one that happened to come here to stay with us for a week. She wanted to know, “how is he?” Jordan told her he was good. He was really nice and he was really good to me. It still didn’t matter. She then went on to tell him that she wished I would come home in September alone and that I would be pissing more than a few people off by bringing boo home. This is a family matter why is she bringing my poor friends in the middle of it? She in fact tole him she wants me to move home. He reitterated that I do have a job, a car payment, a lease etc, I can’t just up and move at the drop of a hat. She even had the nerve to ask him if she was the reason I wouldn’t move home. He told her he was pretty sure that it was a big factor.

I’ve tried to explain all this to Boo, he doesn’t get it. His family welcome EVERYONE with open arems. His family accepts you for who you are. If you stumble, they may not be there to help you up, but they’ll be there to hold you up. They’ll love you no matter what. They may be mad as hell at you but you always know that you are loved. They would never shun someone. I’ve tried to tell him that this is the difference between our families. His family, if you mess up they forgive and forget, my family, not so much.

It’s taken a toll on me, on us, it makes me want to never go home yet at the same time I want to go home to show them how great he is. How can you claim to know someone after having met them for just an hour? And, if you don’t give them a chance how are you supposed to see my happiness? I’ve come to realize that nothing and no one will ever be good enough for my parents, and this makes me so angry, hurt, etc. I’m not sure they’ll ever know how bad they hurt not just me but also Boo.

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~ by tia0220 on July 27, 2010.

3 Responses to “When Good Just Isn’t Good Enough”

  1. K, I love you, but I don’t think you’re being fair to your parents by saying that the only reason they want you to move home is to get you away from a black guy you’re dating.

    Have you talked to them, openly, about the interracial aspect? Have they said, specifically, that the only thing they don’t like is that he is black?

    Calling someone racist is a pretty bold statement to make, babe. It’s especially bold to say it about your parents without an upfront, open, direct and possibly uncomfortable conversation with them.

    • I’ve tried to have this conversation with my parents it never gets anywhere. They tell me that it’s hard raising mixed children and it’s not fair to them. They also tell me they don’t think he’s good for me……..they’ve met him once and it was for MAYBE a total of 45 minutes.

  2. I am sorry you are going thru this, I am, a frequent reader but I never comment. I just want you to know that you should be happy no matter what! Your parents will come around just give them time.

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