Tis The Season

It’s officially one week until Christmas as of two hours ago. I have done NOTHING to get ready for Christmas, NOTHING. Wait, I do have a tree up, but I have yet to get anything for anyone. I’m not feeling any Christmas spirit this year. Perhaps because we haven’t had snow, or maybe because I’ve done Christmas so big for the last four years for my “ex” step children and I don’t have to do that anymore. I can sit here and validate the blahs I’ve been having with all kinds of excuses, but the real reason is that I miss my family.

Not in the I miss my family and I want to go home for the holidays miss them, it’s more than that. I don’t want to go home for the holidays, but it would be nice to talk to them. I haven’t talked to my parents since the night I called and talked to my dad about Thanksgiving and we fell out. While I was home for Thanksgiving, I wanted SO badly to see them. So did dude, but knowing how things would turn out I left well enough alone. The other night I sat here telling dude how I felt about all of this. “Don’t feel like you don’t have anyone, you have my family, and your aunt.”

I do have his family to lean on, and my aunt and her fiance are the best, but it’s not MY family. My family consists of my parents, brother, sister in law, my aunt and her fiancee, my other aunt, uncle and two cousins. Of all those people in my family I talk to three of those people. With Christmas coming up, I can’t help but sit back and replay holiday memories. Simple things such as a phone call from a family member and then the phone being passed all through the house to each of my family members, Christmas eve church, getting to open ONE present before bed on Christmas eve, (usually it was new PJ’s). All of those things are so simple, but I know that this year EVERYTHING will be completely different. I won’t be spending Christmas eve or even Christmas with my family, I will go to bed on Christmas eve like I do every other night of the year. I don’t have to play Santa for anyone, I don’t have a reason to wake up excited for the day like I have every Christmas before. Dude has his kids until noon so I won’t be seeing him until after that.

It’s going to be a different Christmas this year than ANY other year. It will be like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet either. At one moment, I don’t like it at all because in all honesty, I’m not a big fan of sitting home alone. But there are other moments when I am somewhat grateful that I will have time to myself. I guess I will have to wait until the actual day to see what I really feel. The other day at work one of my co workers who happens to be Jewish said that Christmas was the most boring day of the year because there was never anything to do. She even made the comment that Jews go to Chinese buffets on Christmas. Perhaps I should make this my new tradition.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours!

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~ by tia0220 on December 18, 2009.

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