Nothing Is Ever Good Enough Vol. 1

Each time I’ve talked to my parents the last few weeks they have asked me if I will get time off to come home for Christmas. They’ve been checking flights, I need to check my PTO. And, each time I’ve put them off. I haven’t told them that nearly a month ago things in my life were so crazy and had been for about a month prior. I hadn’t expressed to them that my homesick-ness was affecting me on a larger level than it EVER had before.

I’ve taken on a lot since Labor Day, both personally and professionally, and in the beginning of October, it caught up with me. My boss emailed me one day after I had left work. The email said absolutely nothing, it was jsut an invitation to join her in a meeting at the end of the next day. I got that email at 6:40 in the morning and I sat and wondered what it could be about. Were we taking on another HUGE project, the one we’d discussed more than a handful of times? I hoped that was it, but in reality, I knew it wasn’t. All day long I sat at my desk wanting to vomit. I knew without KNOWING what the meeting was really about.

I was so nervous about the meeting that I nearly walked into her office a half hour early. Instead, I went back to my desk and sat there impatiently watching the clock. That thiry minutes was the SLOWEST thirty I have ever endured! I walked into her office nervous as hell. After an hour long meeting, we discussed that I hadn’t been giving 150%. The new project that I had taken on was taking a toll on me, I was to split it in half and ask my cohort to assist me. We finalized the meeting by me signing a 30 day probationary note. My boss looked me in the eyes and told me, that over the next 30 days, I was writing my own fate.

So, over the last thirty days, I’ve been walking on egg shells. I have stayed in all the perimiters of the rules, and I have busted my ass. I am not requesting time off for the holidays, and this is the reason why. This and numerous other reasons are why I haven’t been posting, not that it matters because really, I don’t think I have many readers. I pretty much blog for my own sanity.

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~ by tia0220 on November 6, 2009.

One Response to “Nothing Is Ever Good Enough Vol. 1”

  1. it really sucks when you are giving it your everything only to be told that you aren’t.
    I hope things improve for you!!

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