Adult Relationships

The last month of my life has been crazy. There’ve been ups and downs like I’ve never experienced. It’s the weirdest feeling, and while I try to sort it all out in my head I become more confused. Dude and I have been together just over nine months, and the last month we have grown together in ways I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced before with anyone I’ve ever loved. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and sat up for HOURS on end talking to each other. It’s really weird because I never considered either of my husbands to be my best friend, but Dude, he’s getting there.

I’ve decided that relationships when you get older are far harder. I mean there are usually kids and other baggage involved, but there’s more. There’s the fact that your “new” significant other is compared to the priors. It’s harder to let your guard down and let the other person in 100%. It’s harder to trust and honestly, it really is harder to love for fear that what’s happened in the past will happen again. You are judging them and they are judging you. You both sit waiting for your new love to show signs of the same deception from the prior person, you wait for them to make THAT mistake, etc.

Another thing that I’ve found hard is that loveing someone that you don’t live with is fun but also so hard. It’s fun to miss that person, but it sucks to not have that constant that you’ve known for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I love my space and while I wasn’t one ever really needed alone time, I do like a little alone time every now and again. However, it would be nice to be able to come home to Dude every night and sit and talk about our day, etc. It’s so weird because while we talk and talk, it seems like we are still missing so much of each other’s lives.

Dude and I have talked a lot about what could possibly happen in our future. He’s thought about moving in with me. I can’t help but want that especially now that the weather’s getting cooler. I am a freeze baby and he’s always so warm, I love to snuggle him! I can’t wait for it to actually happen. A friends that I don’t see often told me that he saw me on the street buy my office and I had an amazing glow about me. Dude is what brings that out in me. He always tells me that he loves “tough” or hard. Sometimes just the look in his eyes tell the whole story. Only time will tell what will happen, I just know that I’ve learned some good lessons.

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~ by tia0220 on October 16, 2009.

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