The Pain

The other night I was on FB, I noticed that someone from home that’s quite younger than me was talking about how her life sucked because of choices that someone else has made for her. She’s going through a rough time in her life. Her husband (a classmate of mine), woke her up one morning and told her he didn’t want to be with her anymore, he didn’t love her, and she needed to leave. I know that pain, and I feel for her.

Another of my very best friends is going through something similar right now, and that hurts me. It hurts me to read that she’s in pain, and there’s nothing that anyone can do. The girl from my hometown put it best. She said that in the beginning she was fighting for her marriage, then she went throught the devastation phase, now she’s at the pissed stage. I really wish I could talk to her in person and tell her that she will make it through. She will get to the point where she decides that living for her is just what she needs to do.

The pain that you are put through when something like this happens in a marriage is worse than ANYTHING you could imagine. When I went to my computer on the morning of January 3, to look for a marriage counselor to “save” my marriage and found love letters from another woman to my husband, I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Then, I sat there in disbelief. He had run to the store for a couple things, my disbelief turned into horrible shock when he came home two hours later with 5 things from the store around the corner. I knew then and there that everything was real. He’d been on the phone with her.

I confronted him about it, he denied it for a couple days. I sobbed for a couple days. I begged for it not to be happening. I asked for the truth, “just come clean, we can work through it.” He wouldn’t give me anything. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. The “normal” life that we shared became more of a living in the same house, and commuting to work together, without a word. Once I got past the devastation, I too became infuriated. So infuriated that I moved in with a friend to wait for my parents to  be able to come move me home. Once I was out of his house, I was able to think clearer.

I thought about every situation, and I decided that for the first time in my life I needed to do for myself. I didn’t need to answer to a man, and I didn’t want handouts from my parents. I needed to pick myself up out of the puddle I’d become and learn to live MY life. I am fortunate enough that I can now look back and realize that that point in my life was just a minor speed bump. Each of the persons I know going through this have many more years invested in their husbands than I did with mine, one has children, but that pain is still the same no matter the length of time. I wish each of them the best of luck, I know that they’ll get through in due time. I wish I could be there with each of them for just a day. Just BE there……to let them scream, cry, talk, whatever they need to do. Just so they knew I was there. But I can’t be so I will sit back from afar and pray that they will be able to find the peace that I did.

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~ by tia0220 on September 30, 2009.

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