I’m Pretty Sure I Am On THE List

The shit list that is! I talked to my aunt yesterday on FB, she gave me a quick rundown of the family reunion. I called my mom after work because, that’s usually what I do on Monday. I already knew about the reunion so I wasn’t calling about that. I was more calling to see what they’d done this past weekend, etc. But, in true mom form, she told me about the reunion. I had talked to her last Friday about my brother and his wife putting an offer in on a house. She was shocked to hear that I knew. I guess since my aunt had words with her on my self esteem “issue” she’s not talked about my brother. “who did you talk to,” she asked me. Dumb question considering my other aunt doesn’t speak to me.

As our conversation went on we began talking about my aunt’s wedding next September. I told my mom that she had told me she was going to get another photographer so I wouldn’t have to work the whole time. I voiced this to my mom then I told her that it was probably a good thing because I probably wouldn’t be coming home before then so I’d have a lot of catching up to do with people. She got extremely quiet, and I explained to her that I was not coming home for Christmas, and I didn’t plan on coming home next summer if I were going to be home in the fall. “What are you just going to sit at home on Christmas,” she asked. Probably so!

I hate disappointing my parents but the reality is, I don’t feel comfortable at home. I feel like I am always being scrutinized. I love visiting everyone, but knowing how they feel about my choices makes things very uncomfortable. I don’t try to hide anything anymore. I am done trying to “impress” people. I am me, and they can either take it or leave it. And being from where I am from, that attitude isn’t going to fly with my people!


~ by tia0220 on July 28, 2009.

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