Somedays…..

I wonder if staying here was the right thing to do. I love it here, but I have no “friends”. Sure I have friends that I have met through dude, and I have my friends, but the few friends I have are at different stages of their lives. I talk to them on the phone, but I rarely ever see them.

Dude has been working 60+hours a week then spending time with his kids. He’s also got club committments that he has to fulfill. Last weekend he was out of town on Saturday and Sunday, this coming weekend it will be the same thing. I guess I am lonely at times. Before, when I was with DB, I used to never get a minute to myself. Now, I have so many minutes, that I have nothing better to do but to sit and think.

Last night I decided that I needed to start getting my scrap stuff in order so that IF I ever decided to start scrapping again, I would be organized. I got a lot of things started, but I have TONS more to do! I am not sure if I want to start scrapping again. It’s one of those things that I used to love when I was with my first husband, and something that I did to have me time with the second. I used to scrap with my friend that introduced me to dude, she’s no longer around. Granted, if I scrapped on my own, I would get tons more done, but I am just not feeling it.

Yesterday dude and I were sitting in the car, I was staring off in space. “What’s wrong?” he asked me. I told him I didn’t know. Mostly because I don’t know. He asked if I had talked to my mom, I told him I hadn’t. He informed me that he and I were going to “fall out” because of my bad relationship with my parents. I haven’t really talked to anyone, mostly because I don’t have much to talk to them about. My life isn’t “exciting”. I sit at home, read, watch tv and keep my house clean. Other than that, life is boring. I also sit and wonder about where things are going with dude and I.  Both of us have a lot of baggage, and I am not sure I am ready to take on his nor him take on mine. But, I feel like something’s holding me back, I don’t know that what we have will ever go any farther…………

I don’t know why I am having these feelings. I don’t think I am homesick, though I do miss the fact that I could just hop in the car and visit my fam at home. I need to find a way to make new friends, and I don’t know how to do that.

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~ by tia0220 on July 20, 2009.

2 Responses to “Somedays…..”

  1. Loneliness sucks ass.

    Period.

    But I’m kind of proud to see that it’s not pushing you into any big decisions.

    • Thanks Babe!

      It does seriously suck……and I hate callingmy parents when I am in one of these moods.

      Because then they really prod with the “you should have come home”.

      It’ll be a long while before I make any BIG decisions!

      Kristin

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