About the New Dude

I’m going to call him the “dude” because it’s easier that way. My dear friend hooked me up with dude soon after the DB and I had it out. I didn’t really expect anything to come of it, we sat and talked all night. He has baggage, I had TONS of baggage, so I figured, I wouldn’t ever talk to him again. It was in the middle of a snow storm and her and I were heading back to my house at 7 am. He called to make sure we were doing okay, and things have blossomed from there.

My friend’s dude and my dude are cousins, in the beginning of our friendship, we’d go out and play pool or just hang out at her dude’s place. My dude works downtown and since I do as well, we’d hook up for a quick lunch, or just to talk for a little bit. Eventually things evolved, and while neither of us were planing on it happening, it did.

It’s been a few months now and I’ve met his parents. I figured it was only fair that since he wanted to meet my parents, I let him. My parents were planning on coming to see me in May. My dad had bought me an old car that I am going to start paying him for once I get things with DB squared away. My dad is old school and I know how he feels about interracial couples, so I was more than nervous. I hadn’t talked to my parents much abouthim on the phone other than them knowing we were friends. I felt like out of respect for them because I knew how they’d react, I would do it in person. Looking back, I am not sure.

My parents arrived in town on a Friday evening and on Saturday morning, I said something about my phone having rung at 6am. “Who in the hell would call you at 6am?” my mom questioned. I told her the guy I had been seeing. She proded but I told her I felt like we should all talk about it once dad was in the room too. I didn’t feel like going through it twice.

I took my parents around town to a few of my favorite spots and as I was driving, my phone rang. It was dude, telling me when he’d be over to meet them and wondering if I’d broke the “we’re more than just friends news”. I had told him no and that I would. As time wound down to that last hour before he was about to show up, I looked in my rear view mirror at my mom then over at my dad. “so do you want to hear about the guy I am seeing?” Neither seemed too enthused. I told them about us beginning as friends and that he’s opened my eyes to the fact that I hadn’t had my priorities straight. I answered their questions, about his job, his family, and then my mom said to me……”AND?!?” I looked at her, “and what?!” She got quiet, “and he’s black?” I looked back at her again, “Yeah and what!?”

We returned to my house and we were watching golf on the tv, (obviously dad had control of the remote) reading and just relaxing. I happened to be in my bedroom getting something when dude called me to tell me he was on his way. I walked back into my living room and told my parents that he wanted to meet them and he was on his way. Nothing was said, and no one moved. About ten minutes later he called again, construction and heavy traffic was going to delay him, but he was in fact on his way. We ended the conversation and he told me he loved me, I told him I loved him too. My mom looked at my dad and asked if he’d heard me say that dude was on his way over.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, as far as I am concerned, we can just leave.” He began packing their things and heading for their car. My mom began to cry, “go talk to him.” I looked at her…..”what flipping good is it going to do!? He’s not going to listen, and nothing I say matters. Why should I deny feelings for someone because of the color of their skin!?” I was livid by this point. “Just go talk to him,” she told me. I walked out my door and was about to go talk to my dad when dude pulled up. I warned him of what had just gone on. Dude was SO nervous, he walked in and introduced himself. As we sat there, he began to make conversation with my parents. My dad wouldn’t so much as acknowledge him for the first few minutes. My mom talked to him though, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She’s got that way about her. My dog, Oliver was going crazy so dude took him out for a quick walk and then I took him for a drive in the car that my parents had brought up for me.

As we drove in the car, we talked about what had just happened and what our thoughts were on the whole meeting. He told me that he was worried they didn’t like him. I assured him taht I was an adult, and it really didn’t matter. I have always been told by them that I don’t give them the FULL story. In trying to be the new me, I was giving them the full story and they still weren’t receptive. I wasn’t looking for their approval, I just wanted them to know what was going on in my life. He told me he’d stay for a little longer but that he was then going to go. We sat outside on the porch and talked a few minutes before he told them he’d be leaving. I walked him to the car, stole a kiss and off he went.

My parents and I then went to dinner. As we were sitting there having a nice time, my mom told me that I looked great after having lost weight and that she loved my haircut, “it looks so much better than when you used to always pull it up.” Then she floored me when she made a comment about not being able to understand who ruined my self esteem. I looked at her puzzled. What in the hell was she talking about!? Since I have gained my independence and lost weight, my self esteem’s never been better. Not to mention that dude tells me constantly that I am beautiful. He’s also attempting to get me to be more “girly”. I told my mom all of these things, and while she nodded in agreement, I knew she thought I was lying.

My parents left mid morning the following day. Nothing more was said about my “choices”. Everything was said about me coming home. My dad gave me the age guilt trip. My mom gave me the, “you aren’t close to your brother or cousins” guilt trip. “Things would be easier if you were home, yada yada.” As my mom hugged me with tears streaming down her face, my dad hopped in the car. I waved goodbye to them as they drove down the street heading for their long drive home. I walked back into my house and settled down onto the couch to relax for the first time in two days. The hardest part was over, whether they choose to accept it at some point or not, that is now on them.

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~ by tia0220 on June 16, 2009.

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