Under the Microscope

I figured that I would write my first post as a more in depth about me. Like I said in my brief description, I am 30…(well I will be in 10 days), I’ve technically been divorced once and am in the horrible process for the second time. I was hoping that I would be able to have that finalized as my 30th birthday gift from my cheating husband, but no such luck.

I grew up in small town Iowa, and contrary to populare belief, just because you live in small town Iowa doesn’t mean you grew up on a farm. I grew up in the country yes, but our animals were just a cat and a dog. I have an older brother, that’s non existent in our lives, but not for my lack of trying, and I have a younger brother. My parents have been married for 31  years, and my younger brother has been married for just over a year. I have a cousin or two that I am super close to and two great aunts and an uncle that are included in our “immediate” family. That’s how it is in a small town.

Growing up my parents had their hands in MANY activities. My dad was a police officer, my mom a secretary. But, they also established and ran a restaurant in my hometown. I’ve always been the “mis-guided” one in my family. I was accepted into an art school that had 150 applicants and only took 35. After my first year, I decided that it wasn’t for me. I went to a University where I partied far more than I attended class. I attempted my “third”” year of school to re-enroll in another art school only to drop out a few weeks into the first semester.

I met my first husband “B” in 1999 and was married in 2000. We lived in Omaha, NE. I was a nanny and he was a teacher and our love of kids was about all we had in common. When our marriage hit a wall in 2004, I met my second husband “DB” (short for douche bag) online. He swept me off my feet and told me what I wanted to hear. Only much later did I learn the real truth. Because of him, I landed in Cleveland, OH in March of 2005. We got married in November of 2007.

In December of 2008, my life was heading out of control in more ways than either myself or my husband DB could have predicted. I went home to see my family for Christmas, and while we’ve always had our differences, it seemed much more normal to be at home with them. More so than it had in nearly ten years. I met an old boyfriend for dinner and drinks while I was home, and while we had a great time, I think that having him as a friend in my life is as far as things would ever go. I told my husband about it, and he had no issues. As I sat in my parents’ home the day after Christmas contemplating what I wanted to do with my life from here on out, little did I know DB was wondering the same thing. I called him that evening and told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to come back to Ohio, I was in tears because I was so confused. When I told him this, he said to me as if I hadn’t just delivered him a devastating blow, “so stay.” The tone of his voice was the same as if I had just asked him what tiem he’d be home for dinner. No emotion, no nothing.

I boarded a plane back to Ohio a few days later after shedding MANY tears. Still not fully knowing what I was going to do with my life, I came back and resumed my normal daily routine. We spent New Years with my husband’s family and children and while the mood seemed a bit “off”, I figured it was probably just me. While I sat and played games with the kids that evening, I had a HUGE breakthrough. I had married this man for better or worse, and I was going to make things work. On January 3, 2009 DB went to the store to grab some things to make breakfast, and I decided that if I was making our marriage work, we had to go to counseling. I sat at our computer with a pad of paper and a pen and readied myself to find a therapist. I hit the Explorer button on my pc and up popped my husbands myspace account inbox. EVERY email he had in his inbox was from a woman, the same woman. I opened up the most recent to see that he had spent the weekend before Christmas with her. I ran to the bathroom wanting to throw up, it had now been an hour since he ran the half mile to grab somethings at the store. As the next hour passed I contemplated what I was going to say, I talked to a couple of friends, and I readied myself to hear an elaborate excuse.

Two hours had passed and he walked through the door asking a stupid question about the breakfast he was going to prepare. I can’t tell you exactly what it was because I was in shock, but I answered that I was no longer hungry and he needed to sit down. He knew by the look on my face that I knew of his affair. He told me he didn’t want to sit and that was that. I got in the car and left.

For the next 2 weeks, friends and family members talked to each of us. I was through, he wouldn’t look at me, and refused to talk about it. He’d spend each evening on the phone or the computer with her. I finally had enough and moved to a friends house. I was readying myself for a move back to Iowa until I realized that with the economy in as bad of shape as it was, there was NO way I was going to leave my steady job to move back home with my parents and no income source.

In February, I moved into my own apartment and began to re-establish myself. I began to realize that having independence was amazing, and while I had my parents mad at me, I was doing better than ever before. In the midst of all of this, I was introduced to a guy. We became fast friends, we’d sit and talk for hours. And, he’d listen to me question my intentions. He’d look at me after I’d been crying for an hour or so and he’d tell me that I was strong, I could do anything I put my mind to. So I did, and that’s why I am still here in Cleveland, OH living my life and loving every minute of it. (Well, I will love it once my divorce is final, because right now DB’s pulling strings to make my life miserable.)

That my friends, is a closer look at me and a “history” of sorts to bring you up to date.

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~ by tia0220 on June 15, 2009.

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